I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
