so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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