when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
