He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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