like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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