Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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