Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
