next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He? As in you personified your dick?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
