Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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