we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
