so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
