I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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