it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
