I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
