My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
