Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
if only i could text you this smell
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
