just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
