I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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