I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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