I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
