He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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