been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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