wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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