my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
