She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
