did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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