chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I smell like Dick and happiness
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
