I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
