i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
