i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my shit smells like andre
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
