i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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