Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
