Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
