I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
