evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
