He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
