You're completely useless in the revolution.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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