I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
