Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And then my night got REAL pukey
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
