I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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