Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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