me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
