Who did Billy Mays play for?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
