Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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