They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
