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• (804): View more from Virginia

  is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?

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• (619): View more from California

  If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.

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• (858): View more from California

  I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.

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• (518): View more from New York

  I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.

  (256): View more from Alabama

  It's like 10 times better than an Oscar

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch

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• (716): View more from New York

  Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  i've got three words. i. was. spanked.

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• (516): View more from New York

  Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it

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