Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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