Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
