Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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