I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
