Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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